butterfly - manage anger and pain

Tips to help manage anger or pain

It took me some time to think out what to write about what is happening with the protests over George Floyd’s death. The protests are much more than racism and more than police brutality. They are also about hundreds of years of systemic oppression that some will never understand. But then I scrapped my post because I am fresh off of two days of conversations about it that didn’t go well. I’m too rattled to write a coherent post right now. The working title of the post was “Shut up Meg. You don’t matter” which comes from a Family Guy-Simpsons crossover episode and it’s how I feel right now. Therefore, instead I am writing some tips to help manage anger or pain. These can help you calm down when you’re feeling upset or someone or some people have tried to minimize your point of view.

Here are some ways

  •  Write a message to the person that has made you angry or has caused you pain. But don’t send it until later, or the next day or two. When you re-read your message, you may decide to take another approach.
  • Say “I was wrong” to someone when you were wrong or when you’ve hurt them.
  • Use “I” statements such as, “I get angry when…” Using “I” shows you are not blaming the other person. Blaming statements often start with “you” such as, “You never…”
  • Is it possible to change or avoid a situation in the future that makes you angry or causes you pain?
    • If the answer is yes, think about how that you can do it.
    • If the answer is no, work towards accepting the situation.
  • Remember, you can’t control other people’s behavior, but you can control the way you respond.
  • Do something that you enjoy (e.g. read, eat an excellent meal or dance).
  • Use relaxation techniques such as deep breathing exercises or a bath to calm down.
  • Find a physical outlet, such as exercise.
  • Set a time limit for how long you’re going to stay angry and then let it go.
  • Think of positive messages: “I’m mad, but I can get on with my life.”

These are just some tips to help, do you have any others? If you need some more positivity tips, I have written some others. I’m clearly going to re-read a few today!


  1. I can’t imagine what it is like to have to have the discussions with people that can’t or refuse to try to learn to understand. Thanks for sharing Sam

  2. Well said. Thanks for your story and tips. There is a point in time I’m sure many have felt what it is like for someone or people to dismiss their words. It is not a good feeling

  3. Very well said, Samantha. Totally makes sense in the current situation!

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